Severus Borg
by Alice Forshadow
Summary: Inspired by a SpongeBob Episode, the summer the Order of the Phoenix was in session was the year Sirius and Ginny were convinced that Severus Snape was a robot.


**Inspired by the SpongeBob Squarepants episode Krab Borg **

**I don't own HP or SpongeBob, and this was done purely for humor. **

**I hope you enjoy! I wanted to do another of these for a while!**

Takes place: Pre Book 5

Sirius was reading one of his old horror science fiction novels to the Weasleys when Mrs. Weasley walked by the door.

"Hurry up mom! Sirius is reading us those science fiction novels!" replied Ginny.

"You shouldn't be reading those to the children Sirius!" scolded Mrs. Weasley. "They freak Ginny out!"

"Mom, these books don't always freak me out!" Ginny responded.

* * *

That night, Ginny laid awake.

"What if mom is a robot?" she asked herself. "What if Lancelot is a robot? What if Hermione is a robot?"

Ginny looked at the bed across from hers.

"Hermione?" she asked.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"If you were a robot, you'd tell me right?" she asked.

"Sure." Hermione told her.

Ginny breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, I've got nothing to worry about." she told herself. "And now to get a good night's sleep."

* * *

Ginny was so worried the next day, she pulled her wand out after seeing a sack against the wall because she thought it was a robot.

* * *

Meanwhile, Severus was working privately in the living room while waiting for the meeting to begin when he found something on the table.

It was a calculator.

"Must be one of Mr. Weasley's muggle inventions." replied Severus to himself.

He picked up the calculator and pushed a button. It turned on with a beep.

Curious, Severus began to press the buttons to see what they would do.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ginny was going to get another trash bag from the storage room when she heard a floorboard creak from under her.

"I SURRENDER!" shouted Ginny. She took another step to realize it was just the floorboard.

She turned around to walk away when she saw Remus standing behind her.

"Hey Remus. What are you waiting for?" asked Ginny.

"Waiting for you to get another trash bag so we can finish the kitchen." Remus told her.

"Right." Ginny told him. "Course. Sorry Mr. Lupin. I'm not feeling myself today. I guess I'm a bit jumpy. I keep thinking that robots are going to take over the world, probably on account of this book Sirius read to us where robots take over the world. I even asked Hermione if she was a robot. Pretty funny, huh?"

Sirius was walking through the hallway when Remus gave him a look and Ginny walked to the kitchen with the new garbage bag.

* * *

"Here mom. Is there anything I can do to help" responded Ginny, handing her mom the trash bag.

"Thank you Ginny. I just finished here, but I think Remus and Sirius need help cleaning the windows." replied Mrs Weasley.

Ginny walked to the front hallway to see Mad Eye Moody walking in.

"Hi Mad Eye." she responded. "Say, you're not a robot, are you?"

"What's a robot?" asked Mad Eye.

"Well, keep a lookout. they're everywhere." replied Ginny, walking away.

Mad Eye was even more paranoid.

* * *

Ginny was walking past the living room to help Sirius and Remus.

"Well, maybe there is some truth to the fact I need to be recharged." Severus told himself.

Ginny paused.

"That's sounds like Professor Snape." replied Ginny.

* * *

Siruis was in the room on the other side of the living room, washing the windows.

"This truly is a strange muggle machine." replied Severus as he typed on the calculator when the batteries died. "Come on chap, turn on!"

Sirius looked away, confused.

"That was strange." replied Sirius to himself. "Severus was talking to a calculator."

* * *

"'Recharged?'" asked Ginny. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was a robot!"

* * *

Sirius kept washing the window.

"Come on, you can work. remember?" asked Severus. "Bee boo boo bop, boo boo bep?"

* * *

Sirius and Ginny went running to the only person they knew could solve the problem.

* * *

Remus was finished with his last window when Sirius jumped into his arms and Ginny rushed over to him.

"What on earth?" Remus asked.

"Remus/ Mr. Lupin it's terrible!" shouted Sirius and Ginny at the same time. "Talking to a radio... beeping sounds... calculator... robot!"

"Calm down. Let's try to work this problem out." replied Remus, putting Sirius on the ground.

"We're serious Remus! Severus is a robot. And we can prove it too." replied Sirius.

"How did you..." asked Remus.

"Let's see in the book robots couldn't have a sense of humor!" Ginny told Sirius.

"SEVERUS!" Sirius shouted.

Severus walked into the living room.

"What is it?" asked Severus.

"Remus just told us a hilarious joke and we thought you'd might like to hear it." replied Ginny.

"Well, let's hear it." Severus responded.

"Okay!" Ginny responded. "Um... how did it go again Remus?"

"Uh... well... why couldn't the eleven year old get into the pirate movie?" asked Remus.

"Why?" asked Severus.

"Because it was rated arr!" Remus finished awkwardly. "Get it, because it's about pirates."

"We're here to protect the wizarding world Remus, not do stand up." replied Severus, walking away.

"Not even a chuckle! See Remus?" Ginny asked. "He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's a robot!"

"There's a logical explanation why Professor Snape didn't laugh. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think he's a robot is because you read that book. Let's all put this behind us and continue..." began Remus.

"SEVERUS!" Sirius called.

Severus walked back.

"What?" Severus asked.

"Remus's father never hugged him!" Sirius told Severus. "Isn't that sad?"

"Yes, I suppose. But Remus can hug himself as much as he wants after You Know Who is defeated." replied Severus, walking away.

"Just like the robot in the book." Ginny told Remus. "He couldn't cry either."

"This is getting ridiculous!" Remus exclaimed. "I'll have you know my father loved me very much!"

"That's the final test." replied Ginny. "The love test! Robots can't love!"

"SEVERUS!" Sirius called.

"What?" asked a very annoyed Severus.

"I just want you to know I love you!" Sirius told him.

Severus didn't know how to respond as he walke away.

Ginny and Sirius looked at each other nervously.

"Remus/ Mr. Lupin?"

* * *

Severus was trying to figure out how to fix the calculator when-

"SEVERUS!"

Severus dropped the calculator on his foot, and the batteries fell out and rolled around the room as Severus let out a shout of pain."

* * *

"Look, in case you haven't noticed, robots are electric. This means that our magic wouldn't work on them and they would malfunction." replied Remus.

Suddenly, a battery rolled from the living room as Severus shouted in pain.

The three screamed.

"Why must the entire rest of the order be on a mission?" asked Ginny. "Where's our heroes when we need them?"

"I'll evacuate the kids!" Sirius shouted. "You call the Ministry!"

* * *

Sirius ran upstairs to where the Weasleys and Hermione were talking.

"You have to evacuate!" Sirius shouted. "Robots are invading the planet!"

The teenagers just stared at him.

"OUR PLANET!"

The four ran outside to the backyard while Sirius went to check on Remus and Ginny.

* * *

Remus was by the fireplace, ready to send an emergency message to the ministry.

"Hello!" shouted the flames. "You have reached the Ministry's automatic voice recording!"

"Sirius!" Ginny shouted as Sirius walked in. "The robots running the ministry!"

"What do we do?" Remus asked.

"I don't know!" shouted Sirius. "Hey, a knut!"

Sirius pointed at a knut on the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus and Ginny shouted.

"Sorry." Sirius responded.

"We need to find out what the robot did to the real Professor Snape!" Remus told them. "But how?"

"Well, in the book, the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot!" Sirius told him.

"They poop on the robot?" asked Remus.

"Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information." replied Ginny.

"I never thought I'd say this." Remus told them. "But let's get that poop!"


End file.
